Greg Chandler
It is interesting how certain phrases are incorporated into everyday language. For example, Americans often use firefighter code to describe everything from the heat intensity of chili to the seriousness of almost any situation. Just as with firefighters, the number of “alarms” demonstrates the magnitude of the situation.
As a new school year begins, it is important for parents to remember that not everything their children deem to be “five-alarm” situations is, in reality, a “five-alarm” situation. From kindergarteners to seniors, children often magnify situations to come across as the victims of other children, teachers, or administrators when perceived victimization suits their needs. If parents are not very careful, they can rush to action at the sound of the alarm and often turn a small flame into a fully engulfed fire. Instead, these should be occasions where parents, by their example, teach their children how to handle situations and resolve them as the Lord directs. Fortunately, the Lord has provided the answer for how this is done.
For children of God, attitudes in everyday life should reflect the change one has made for the better through faith in God. To this end, the apostle Paul listed the qualities that bear witness to the fruit produced by being in step with the Spirit. To the Galatians, he wrote, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law” (5:22-23). When one truly bears this fruit, situations that could quickly spiral out of control are dealt with in the manner God desires. Note that these qualities do not depend on how one is treated; godly behavior is the standard no matter what someone else does or says. Thus, when a child rushes home with grandiose stories of mistreatment by another, parents can model appropriate behavior by maintaining self-control. Often, the calm spirit of another can bring situations into perspective. It is then that parents can ask the child how he or she responded: Were patience, kindness, and gentleness evident in word and action? This portion of the Spirit’s fruit is not easy; however, if it is not learned in childhood, it is often even more difficult to implement as an adult.
It is also important to teach children that everyone can have a bad day. It may very well be that words or actions directed toward a child were not the most appropriate. Still, this is an opportunity to help a child learn how to deal appropriately with others. The writer of Ecclesiastes admonished, “Do not take to heart all the things that people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. Your heart knows that many times you yourself have cursed others” (7:21-22). When parents help their children understand this, two purposes are accomplished: (1) insignificant situations are not raised to five-alarm status, and (2) children learn not to be as easily offended. These life skills will aid children later in life in employment situations, marriage, parenting, and relationships with fellow Christians.
Parents must also exercise great caution in speaking poorly about adults in authority over their children. Administrators and teachers do not always handle situations correctly; long days, faulty information, and stress can sometimes lead to less-than-satisfactory outcomes. This is another test of patience for both parents and their children. Children will learn valuable lessons by watching their parents handle these situations appropriately. When parents allow “little things” to go without conflict, children will learn to do the same. When children see their parents speak to these adults with civility and Christlikeness, they will learn to do the same. When children do not see parents “lighting up” social media with complaints and insults, they will also learn self-control. These lessons in respect will aid children in learning to deal appropriately with those in authority over them throughout their lives.
Most of all, parents must work to teach their children to live like Jesus. Even when the situation is “five-alarm,” this does not excuse one from demonstrating Christlikeness. To this end, the apostle Paul wrote, “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me” (Gal. 2:20). When a child is trained early to live this way, the needs of others will be seen as more important than one’s own. Even when wrongs occur, a child who has seen Christlikeness modeled by parents will learn to care for the needs of others, even when there is a personal cost of pain. After all, this is what Jesus modeled.
May the 2026–27 school year be one of great success for all students involved. May it also be a time when parents demonstrate the kind of attitudes and actions that snuff out flames rather than sounding alarms, allowing their children to see the love of Christ manifested in every situation.
